via Dogfish Head
Summer’s over, man. It’s that soul-crushing time of year when the days get shorter, the nights get colder, and your boss starts using phrases like “it’s time to get ready for Q4, it’s crunch time.” IDK about you, but that kind of lame corporate hustle-culture office-jargon makes me want to drive to the beach, smash my laptop on a rocky jetty, and throw it into the ocean while unleashing a primal scream at the waves. But I would never do that, because I don’t want to be a litterbug.
Plus, the return of Sunday Night Football means the real Sunday Scaries are officially back. They usually hit after an epic Sunday Funday of watching football when you hear the music, realizing you have so much to do the next day. Only now, they’ve mutated from a once-a-week problem into a full-blown, Every-Damn-Day Dread. You’re staring down the barrel of a pumpkin spice apocalypse and months of swapping out your comfy athleisure shorts for, you know, actual pants so you can “look presentable” at meetings.
Unless…
What if you could just… not? What if you could give one giant middle finger to autumn and get paid for it?
Our off-centered saviors at Dogfish Head just dropped the single greatest job posting of all time, and the primary responsibility is literally refusing to let summer die. They are looking to hire one lucky soul to “Extend Your Summer” by bankrolling your entire September to the tune of $10,000 and a month-long stay in a beachfront bungalow.
All you have to do is tell Dogfish Head, in the most “off-centered” way possible, why you deserve to extend your summer. Maybe your fantasy football team is already such a dumpster fire that you require a month-long, beachfront emotional support program. Perhaps you spent all of July and August working a brutal internship just to watch your friends’ European vacation stories on Instagram. Or maybe your soul has a severe allergic reaction to the phrase “Q4 objectives” or “team huddles.” I know mine does.
SIGN UP HERE VIA DOGFISH HEAD!
Let the prize sink in here. Ten. Thousand. Dollars. And a beach house for a month. You know what’s better than watching your fantasy team implode from your couch? Watching it implode from a deck overlooking the ocean with a cocktail in hand. That’s not just living, that’s winning.
Your only job is to beat back the encroaching darkness of fall by living the dream.
The ‘Compensation Package’ Is Stacked
This whole glorious scheme is to celebrate the launch of their incredible new Peach Mango Rum Punch canned cocktail. This liquid sunshine is the star of the show, but it’s not coming alone. It’s the headliner of their new Tropical Cocktail Mix Pack, meaning your fridge will be a warchest of summer-saving flavors while you’re getting paid to work on your tan, ignore emails, or make boneheaded fantasy football moves.
Now let’s do a little daydreaming. Imagine you roll out of bed in your free beach bungalow, stroll to your free fridge, and crack open a NEW Peach Mango Rum Punch. By noon, you might move on to a Blood Orange Mango Vodka Crush. Maybe enjoy golden hour on the deck with a Pineapple Orange Rum Mai Tai. Or heck, get wild with a Strawberry Lime Tequila Margarita.
Who’s gonna stop you? Your boss? Pssshhhh, not if you still made it to your Zoom meeting on time where it’s obvious you’re hanging out by the beach still. FOMO is a powerful thing. See, you’re a professional summer-haver now. This is your super-power.
How To Apply For This Dream Gig
First of all, YOU MUST BE 21+!!!! Duh. OK, now we have the legal stuff out of the way, know that this isn’t your typical corporate drone application. There’s no need to polish your resume or write a cover letter about how you’re a “results-oriented team player.”
All you have to do is hit up Dogfish Head’s website and tell them, in your own words, why you deserve to keep the good times rolling. Here’s a tip: Go wild, man! They’re specifically looking for the most “off-centered” answer, so now is not the time to be boring. Tell them about the soul-crushing spreadsheets, the pointless meetings, and your primal need to sip a rum punch with your toes in the sand while trolling your fantasy football team in the group chat.
NOTE: CONTEST ENDS ON MONDAY, 9/8… SO MOVE QUICK!
SIGN UP HERE VIA DOGFISH HEAD!
The deadline is approaching, so don’t sleep on this. Go apply to beat the dog(fish) days of summer and get paid to do it. You owe it to yourself.