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Audio By Carbonatix
The New York Jets traded for Aaron Rodgers in April 2023 and subsequently handed him the keys to the franchise, adhering to virtually every request he had.
In addition to things like being allowed to travel to Egypt during mandatory minicamp or having carte blanche to say whatever he wants in the media, the Jets have also allowed Aaron Rodgers to turn the team into his own personal slumber party, as Gang Green has brought in SIX former Green Bay Packers since Rodgers arrival (if you include Rodgers).
Those former Packers are: Rodgers, recently demoted offensive coordinator Nathaniel Hackett, now-retired wide receiver Randall Cobb, backup quarterback Tim Boyle (now with the Dolphins), Allen Lazard, and Davante Adams.
And thus far, the results have been nothing short of disastrous. In 2023, Rodgers lasted just four snaps before tearing his Achilles. This season, despite being “healthy”, the Rodgers-led Jets sit at 2-5, which is actually far worse than where they were under Zach Wilson after seven games last season (4-3).
Given that the Jets are the current owners of the longest postseason drought in American professional sports, however, it’s likely their only way out is through, meaning they should double, triple, and quadruple down on Aaron Rodgers’ strategy of creating his own personal adult summer camp on their dime and bring in even MORE of his buddies.
But who? We’re glad you asked.
Mike McCarthy
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Mike McCarthy is virtually guaranteed to be canned as head coach of the Dallas Cowboys this offseason. You know who just so happens to be in the market for a new head coach after firing Robert Saleh just five games into the season? The New York Jets, that’s who!
Pat McAfee
ESPN
McAfee is arguably in better shape now than he was when in the NFL — surely he could still bang some punts to the moon. Bring Pat and the boys down to Florham Park so Rodgers can record his weekly interviews live from the practice field, get the vibes going. If there’s anything that Rodgers likes more than playing football and tripping balls, it’s gossiping with Pat. Everyone wins.
Jordy Nelson, Greg Jennings, Donald Driver
Randall Cobb (last season)? Check. Allen Lazard? Check. Davante Adams? Check. Who are we missing? Let’s get the whole gang back together and exhume the corpses of Jordy Nelson, Greg Jennings, and Donald Driver out of retirement!
Brett Favre
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The Jets already tried the trade-for-a-once-great-but-now-controversial-and-washed-up-Packers-QB move in 2008 when they acquired Brett Favre — why not bring the whole thing full circle and have the pair team up? Favre isn’t up to all that much other than (allegedly) stealing money from welfare recipients in his home state, right?
The beings from other dimensions that visit Rodgers during his Ayahuasca trips
The Jets are so moribund, so cursed, so dysfunctional, that perhaps it’s time they stop trying to find answers on this plane of reality and instead reach through the Interstellar tesseract in hopes of finding one of the alternate dimensions beings that Rodgers has become pals with during his Ayahuasca trips and ask them to unlock the secrets of the universe. Certainly more of a viable route than installing Jeff Ulbrich as your head coach.